Where are You?

A woman called her husband from her car, and said, “I think I’m lost.”
“Where are you? Check the street signs.”
“OK” she said, “I’m on the corner of Walk and Don’t walk”

I think my wife’s deaf

A man consulted a audiologist and told him that he thought his wife was deaf. “How can I prove it to her?” he asked.
Well, said the helpful hearing gentleman, “Say something to her far away, and get closer and repeat the question, and then closer, until she reponds.
So, the fellow went home, and while she was at the kitchen stove, he said, “What’s for dinner?”
No response.
So, he moved closer and asked it again, “What’s for dinner?”
Still no response.
He moved even closer and asked it again. Still no reponse.
Then, standing right next to her, he asked, “What’s for dinner?”
She turned and looked at him and said, “I’ve told you 4 times already, we’re having pot roast and potatoes.”

The unlucky brother

Two brothers were avid fishermen. One was unlucky, he hardly ever caught a fish. The other brother was pulling them in one after another.
One day the unlucky brother went fishing alone, and tested an area filled with fish.
He fished all day and caught nothing.
Later in the day a fish jumped out of the water and said, “Where’s your brother?”

Gambling Money

On a Las Vegas Street, a fellow approached a well dressed man and asked, “Could you please help me with a few dollars so I could get a good meal?”
The gentleman put his hand in his pocket, but then stopped and said, “How do I know you won’t spend it on gambling?”
The beggar said, “Oh, Gambling money I’ve got, I just need money for food.”

The Blonde bragging at a bar

The bar was crowded, and a blonde stood up and said, “I know the capital of every state in the Union.”
One fellow spoke up and said, “What’s the Capital of Wisconsin?”
The blonde anssered, “That’s easy: W.

Adam had a question

Adam had an audience with God, and had a question.
He asked, “How come Eve is so pretty and can sing so beautifully, and loves taking care of the house and the kids?”
God answered, “Well, Adam, I wanted to be sure you’d like her.”
“I see,” said Adam. I suppose that’s why she makes some great meals for me and smiles a lot.”
“Exactly,” answered God.
“Well then,” responded Adam, “How come you made her so stupid?”
God answered, “I wanted to be sure she’d like you!”

Two men and their dreams

Two fellows who shared an apartment, were having breakfast, when one said, “I dreampt last night that I went to Disneyland and had a lot of fun.”
The second fellow said, “As soon as I fell asleep, I dreampt that there was a knock at my door. When I answered it, there were two beautiful girls who suggested we had a party. So, I invited them in and we had some great food, music and dancing and really had a great time.”
The first fellow said, “Why didn’t you have me join in?”
The second guy said, “I would have, but you were at Disneyland.”