Browse Month

July 2017

You need to know things about your wife

One evening while attending a seminar on developing a good relationship in marriage, the
speaker said, “You need to know little things about your wife, such as what is her
favorite flower.”
Phil Dimwit turned to his wife and said, “Gold Medal, isn’t it?”

The importance of being Bilingual

A mother mouse told her 5 little baby mice that if they stuck together as they ran, they could
cross the large banquet room safely. So, they began to scamper across, when suddenly a cat jumped in front of them and looked hungry and angry.
The mother mouse told her babies, “Now. stay here and don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
Then the mother mouse began to bravely crawl toward the cat, as the cat hissed, arched its back and bared its claws.
Then the mouse stood on its hind legs and barked like a dog: “Ruff, Ruff, Ruff,”
it barked.
At that, the cat was so surprised, that it turned and ran off.
Returning to her baby mice, the mother said to them, “Now, you see how important it is to be
bilingual?”

WWII joke in Middle School

When I was in Jr. High, it was during World War II. We liked telling short jokes about the war, such as:
Did you know that we now spell Berlin: BERIN?
Yep, the Allies knocked the L out of it.
And: Why was Hitler crying?
Answer: Because there was too much Patton on his Ruhr.

The train ride

Mr. Traveler got on a train in St. Louis, and when he saw the conductor, he put a $50 bill in his
hand and said,, “I’m giving you this money to get me off in Columbus, Ohio when we stop there at
4:30 in the morning. I have a very important meeting there, and I’m a heavy sleeper. In fact, I might fight you trying to get me up, but you have to make sure I get off, anyway.
I can’t impress upon you how important it is, and you must get me off in Columbus.”
“Okay,” said the conductor. “I’ll do it for you.”
The man woke up with sunlight filling the railroad car, and looked at his watch. It was 9 am,
and he heard the conductor yell out, “Next stop, New York City.”
He jumped out of the sleeper, found the conductor and began to berate him. He yelled and screamed at the man for not following his instructions, and when the train stopped, he grabbed the conductor by the collar and led him into the station directly to the stationmaster’s office.
Then he began yelling at the stationmaster.
“I told this substitute for a conductor to get me off in Columbus,” he raved, “and I missed the most important meeting of my business life,” and he went on like this for 30 minutes, finally stomping out of the office.
“Wow,” said the stationmaster. “Was he mad!”
“Yeah,” answered the conductor, “he was mad alright, but, he wasn’t half as mad as that fellow I pushed off the
train in Columbus at 4:30 this morning.”

Betting with a blonde

A blonde was sitting at a bar next to a man she didn’t know.
They were intent on watching the news on TV.
The story on the TV showed a man about to jump to his death from a tall building, with the
police there trying to talk the man out of jumping.
At that point, the unknown gentleman says to the blonde, “I’ll bet he jumps,” and put $10
on the bar. She matched it and said, “You’re on.”
Suddenly the man in the news jumped.
to his imminent death.
The Blonde said, “Well, I guess you win.”
The gent said, “Oh, I don’t want to take your money. I saw this in an earlier broadcast.”
The blonde said, “I did, too. But, I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

The Stop Sign

Joe Scofflaw was stopped by a policeman for not coming to a stop at a stop sign.
“But, I slowed down,” said Joe.
“Slowing down isn’t what a stop sign indicates you should do,” said the cop.
“Ok,” said Joe, “Then explain the difference to me and I won’t fight the ticket.”
“Step out of the car,” said the officer, and when he did the officer began hitting him
with his night stick.
“Now,” said the cop, “Do you want me to stop or slow down?”

When does life begin?

Catholics believe that life begins at conception.
Protestants believe that life begins at birth.
But the Jewish people believe that life doesn’t begin until their kid graduates from
medical school.
Of course, there are exceptions to these generalities but on average it’s probably true.