Browse Month

September 2017

The Letters on a ship

In the USA, our ships have the letters: USS (United States Ship)
In England it’s HMS (Her Majesty’s Ship)
In Italy they use the letters IMB (It’s a My Boat)

The old Norse Ship

A tourist visiting in Norway took a tour of the History Museum in Oslo.
The tour guide pointed to an old Norse ship and said, “This ship is 4007 years
One of the tourists asked, “How can you pinpoint it exactly like that?”
“Well,” answered the guide, “when I came here to work 7 years ago, they told me
that the ship was 4000 years old.”

A short blonde joke

A dumb blonde was riding in a car with her friend when they passed a building
with a large sign that read “YMCA”.
“Look at that,” said the blonde. “Someone spelled Macy wrong.”

Owning a spread in Texas

Three men who had just met were sitting at a table in a bar in Texas, discussing about
how wonderful it was to be in Texas.
The first man said, “You know, when I first came to Texas, I had nothing but the
dusty clothes on my back, worn our shoes on my feet, and no money in my pockets. But,
after a mere 10 years I have accumulated amazing wealth. I have a huge ranch house, 50,000
head of cattle, a stable of 100 horses, and 100,000 acres of land all free and clear. I call my spread THE HAPPY R.”
The second fellow then added, “That’s almost my story, too. I came here 10 years ago with
nothing, and now I own a huge ranch house, a stable with brand new Cadillacs in it, 80,000 head
of cattle, many horses on 200,000 acres of land. I call my spread THE LAZY S.”
The third guy said, “My experience has been similar. When I got here 10 years ago all I had
was what I was wearing at the time. But, but working odd jobs, I invested everything I could
earn into my main investment, and after ten years of investing and reinvesting, buying and
selling, I’ve accumulated 30 acres of land.”
The other two men laughed at his only 30 acres and after a few minutes of guffawing, they
both said, “And, what do you call your spread?”
With great dignity, the fellow answered, “DOWNTOWN DALLAS!”

I love your nest

A small bird was visiting another bird and was taking a tour of her nest.
After the tour, the visiting bird said, “I just love your nest. I like the way
you located it in the shady part of the tree, and put some colorful pieces of ribbon
in with the twigs making it so pleasant. I also like the way you smoothed the mud
so well, making it exceptionally comfortable.”
“Why, thank you,” said the nest owner.
Then the visitor said, “But, there’s one thing about your nest that I’ve never seen
before that really puzzles me.”
The owner said, “Really, and what is that?”
“You have a large hole at the bottom of the nest. Why is that?
“Well,” said the owner, “You know me, I just love laying eggs, “but, I hate kids.”

It won’t do any good

When things look dark and headed for disaster, and someone makes a suggestion
that won’t solve the immediate problem….here’s a great response.
“That’s like rearranging the chairs on the Titanic.”