Browse Month

October 2017

Too much sugar in his coffee

Two men were having coffee at a local coffee shop.

One of them put in three teaspoons of sugar, much to the surprise of his friend who was watching.

Then, the man didn’t stir his coffee, which prompted his friend to ask, “Why don’t you stir your coffee?”

While sipping his hot brew, the man answered, “I don’t like it too sweet.”

A name for a sneezing reflex

There’s a condition that some people have where as soon as they walk into sunlight, they sneeze.  My wife is one of those people, and I know of others.

Optometrists have tried to name this reflex, and have come up with several.  I’ve heard them all, but can only remember one because I think it’s what the reflex should be called.

The name they came up with was “The Photo-Gesundheit Reflex.”

Come in out of the rain

A little girl was wandering around her front yard during a rain storm.

Her mother called out to her, “Janie, get in the house right now, it’s raining and you’re getting all wet.”

The little girl seemed to be enjoying the lightning and thunder and said back to her mother, “I’ll come in soon, but God keeps taking my picture.”

Georgie Jessel

Georgie Jessel was once considered the Toastmaster General of America, so named by President Harry S. Truman.  He was the host of many conventions and seminars and shows.    An actor and after dinner speaker and fund raiser,  He was in the era of other famous people with super voices, like Walter Winchell and Al Jolson.  He was married three times and died at the age of 83 in the early 1980s,

I was lucky enough to attend one of his conferences many years ago and was amazed at how easily he could keep everyone’s attention.

One of the things he said as he looked at the large audience was, “It is so wonderful looking out over all the people here, today.  It’s like viewing a beautiful flower garden.  Of course,” he added, “there’s a weed here and there.”

Thunderous laughter.

Two words every 10 years

A nun entered an order where you were committed to silence.  No talking of any kind, except that every 10 years you could say two words.

After her first 10 years, the nun entered the Mother Superior’s chamber to speak her two words.

She said, :Better bed.”

Ten years later she returned to speak her two words.

She said, “Better Food.”

Then, 10 years later she returned to the Mother Superior’s office to say her two words.

She said, “I quit.”

The Mother Superior said, “You might as well quit.  All you’ve done is complain for the last 30 years.”

 

The financial improvement

A dejected man went to see his local clergyman (Priest, Rabbi or Minister) and told him his tale of woe.

“My business has failed, my wife left me, I lost my home, and I’m in bad shape,” he said.  “What should I do?”

The wise man of the cloth suggested this:  “Get a beach chair and go to the beach.  Take along a bible.  Then while you’re sitting on the beach chair, put the bible on your lap and open it up at about the center.  Then, when the wind stops blowing the pages back and forth, look down at the page, and do what it says.”

The man agreed to do it.

About a year later, the formerly depressed man drove up in a fancy car, wearing an expensive suit, and looking to be in great spirits.  He spoke to the man of the cloth again.

The holy man asked, “Did you do what I said?”

“Oh, yes indeed, I did.  I let the wind blow the pages back and forth, and when it stopped, I looked down and read the page, and did what it said.”

“Well, what did it say?”

It said, “Chapter Seven.”  

 

If you need an explanation of chapter 7, it’s declaring bankruptcy.