Do any of you remember the “Funkle brothers, Simon and Gar?”
I heard about this interchange between George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill that I find entertaining.
Winston Churchill received two tickets for opening night at a George Bernard Shaw Play with a note. The note read, as nearly as I can remember: “Here are two tickets to the opening night of my most recent play so you can bring a friend, if you have one.”
Churchill returned the tickets with a note, as well. The note read, “I’m sorry I can’t make it that evening, but please exchange these tickets for the second night, if there is one.”
“We learn from history that we do not learn from history.”
–Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, German philosopher (1770-1831)
Here is a list of the 3 ages of man:
2. Middle age,
and 3. You never looked better.
When John Kennedy was elected president, the first Catholic in that position, the jokes soon arrived in large numbers.
One that I recall was this one:
“You know, Kennedy is planning legislation to outlaw bowling in this country.”
“Yeah, he’s having all the bowling balls confiscated to make a giant rosary for the Statue of Liberty.”
Two morons bought a woodie, you know, an automobile with polished wood sides. As soon as they got it home they began to remove the wood paneling with crow bars.
When they completed their work and all the wood was removed, they studied the way the car looked.
One said to the other, “You know, I think it looked better in the crate.”
My memory is also getting worse.
For example, I woke up this morning and forgot The Alamo.
Will Forgetful goes to the doctor and says, “My memory is shot. I can hardly remember one thing just a short time after I hear it.”
The doctor says, “How long has this been going on?”
Will answers, “How long has what been going on?”
Trixie to Dixie, “Watch out for this guy Heimlich. Boy, can he maneuver.
Now I lay me down to sleep
A bag of peanuts at my feet.
If I should die before I wake,
You’ll know I died with a stomach ache.