Browse Month

February 2018

Marooned on an island with two churches

Roger was marooned on a tropical isle for over 20 years before a passing ship noticed his various signals.
When the rescue ship pulled into the harbor and the captain and a few officers came ashore to hear Roger’s story, they
also took a tour of the island.
“Well,” said Roger, I was the only survivor to reach shore on this island, I have no idea what happened to the others when our ship went down 20 some years ago.”
The visitors were amazed at his story, and viewed the island improvements he made with awe.
Finally, the Captain of the rescue ship made the following observation: “I think you did a wonderful job with all the improvements you’ve made to make the island inhabitable, but I’m surprised at the fact that you have built two churches here.”
“Well,” said Roger, pointing to one of them, “You see this church? It’s the one I go to all the time.”
Then he added, “I never go to the other one and wouldn’t even want to be seen dead in it.”

What if the surgery failed?

Jeff was in the hospital for open heart surgery.
When he awoke from the anesthetic, the room was dark with all the shades on the window pulled down.
When the doctor came in Jeff asked, “Whey are the shades down on all the windows?”
The doctor replied, “Because there’s a big fire going on across the street, and we were concerned
that if you saw the fire you might assume that the operation was unsuccessful.”

The rejuvenation treatments

An octogenarian was taking treatments to rejuvenate him back to his youth.
After awhile, the man began to cry.
The Doctor said, “If you’re in pain, it should subside shortly.”
The man answered, “Oh, there’s no pain, I’m crying because I’m afraid I’ll be
late for school.”

The Panda story

A Panda went into a restaurant, and ordered lunch. When he had finished eating, the
panda pulled out a gun and fired a shot at the ceiling and left.
The next day, the Panda returned, but the manager intervened and told the bear that he
wouldn’t be served because of what he did the day before.
“What do you mean?” asked the Panda. Look up the definition of a Panda on the internet, and you’ll
see that I did exactly what a Panda is supposed to do.”
So, the manager looked it up on google and read the following: “A Panda eats shoots and leaves.”

I can’t sleep

At 3 am, the doctor answered his phone at home.
The woman at the end of the line was his patient, who complained, “Doctor, I can’t sleep.”
The annoyed medic said, “OK, stay on the line and I’ll sing you a lullaby.”

Memory loss

Phil was telling his friend about his doctor visit and said, “I went to find out what I could do about my frequent
lapses of memory.
His friend asked, “What did he do about it?”
“He made me pay his fee in advance,” answered Phil.

The unlucky brother

Joe had no luck at fishing, but his brother had no trouble catching his limit even when both of them were in the same boat.
No matter what he did, Joe could not catch a fish.
One day he decided to go out alone and fish in the area of the lake where his brother caught a lot of fish.
He fished for hours, and never got even one bite.
Suddenly a large fish jumped out of the water a few feet from Joe’s boat and said, “Where’s your brother?”