Browse Month

June 2018

Acting Instructor’s advice

Stella Adler was an actress at one time, who turned her career around by opening a school to train hopefuls in the acting field. She has
quite a list of stars she had helped along the way, and although Stella is now deceased, her school continues, quite successfully, as a
matter of fact.
She had a quote which is still part of advice given in the school.

Never Explain
Never Complain,

A bad Singer

A man, who was a pretty lousy singer, asked his wife what song she would like to hear, “so I could sing it to you.”
She answered: “How about Long ago and Far Away?”

A Jewish Bumble Bee

A bee was flying around with a very small Yarmulka on his head.
After a while, several other bees in the area noticed it and asked why he was wearing the Jewish skull cap.
“Well,” answered the bee, “I didn’t want anyone to think I was a WASP.”

The Cuban Firing Squad

A man who was accused of spying in Cuba at the height of the Fidel Castro regime, was put on trial and sentenced to death.
With a short time between the decision and the actual carrying out of the sentence, in a few days the man was standing in front of
the firing Squad.
The Capitan of the event had the doomed man’s hands tied behind him and went back to instruct the firing squad.
“Ready,” shouted the Capitan, “Aim,” and with that, the prisoner shouted out, “Castro is a peeg.”
The Capitan had the squad put their rifles down at ease while he approached the victim.
He got very close and yelled, “Are you looking for trouble?”

I’m looking for my wife

Two strangers were wandering around a huge market, and kept running into each other.
Finally, after passing each other for the 3rd time, one said to the other, “I notice you’re not buying anything. Are you looking for
something specific?”
“Yes,” answered the fellow, “I’m looking for my wife.”
“What does she look like, maybe I can help.”
“Well, my wife is about 55 years old, a bit plump, wears glasses and doesn’t use makeup. What are you looking for?”
“Oh,” said the other fellow. “I’m looking for my wife, too.”
“What does she look like? asked the older of the two.
“Well, she’s about 25 years old, very slender, wearing a designer dress, and having just returned from a play she was in, is wearing
makeup applied by a specialist in glamour.”
“Well, then,” said the older man, “Let’s both look for your wife.”

A Brazilian was killed in Afghanistan

When George Bush was president and the fighting in Afghanistan was at it’s height in casualties, President George Bush was
given a report on the action.
“Mr. President,” said the man from the Pentagon, “A Brazilian was killed in the fighting today.”
Mr. Bush lowered his head and put his hands on his head and moaned. “How many is in a Brazillion?”

A Henny Youngman GAG

“Do you know what it means to come home every night to a woman who will give you a little affection, a lot of tenderness, and an
ocean of love?” says Henny Youngman.
“It means you went to the wrong house, that’s what it means.”

Caught Red Handed

Max was caught red handed by a police officer in the very act of burglarizing a store. He was quickly brought to trial. “How do you plead? asked the judge. “Your honor,” answered Max, “before I plead guilty or not guilty I ask that the court kindly appoint a lawyer to defend me.” “Max you were caught in the actual commission of a crime. What could any lawyer possibly say in your defense?” That’s exactly my point, your honor,” said Max. “I’m curious also to hear what he could possibly say!”