Browse Month

November 2018

My daughter’s husband is cheating

Maria Theresa went to visit the priest, telling him that she didn’t know what to do since she suspected her daughter’s husband,Jose, was
cheating on her.
“Well,” said the priest, “since you only suspect him for cheating, what evidence do you have?”
“All you have to do is to take one look at my daughter’s new baby. That baby does not look anything like her husband in any way.

One of the joys of old age

sThree old timers are sitting on a park bench enjoying the sunshine.
One old timer spoke up with, “Gee, it’s windy.”
The second one said, “No, it’s Thursday.”
The third one said, “I’m thirsty, too. Let’s go have a beer.”

I’m not too young

Joey was explaining to a girlfriend that some people thought that he was too young for her. And, then he said, “But, I’m not too young. So tonight I’ll pick you up when the little hand is on the 7, and the big hand is on the 12.”

A wonderful grandfather

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long . . . easy boy.”

Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”

Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad.”

“Thanks,” says the grandpa. “But I am William. The little brat’s name is Kevin.”

What’s the speed of light?

Albert Einstein, whose famous formula, e=mcsquared, includes the speed of light in it.
Once when speaking to a large group he was asked, “Just what is the speed of light?”
With a moment’s hesitation, Einstein answered.. “To be honest, I don’t know. I never clutter my mind with
information I can find in any textbook.”

More about the man who thought he was a dog.

I think I told you about the man who thought he was a dog. Remember, when the psychiatrist told him to lie on the
couch, he refused, saying he wasn’t allowed on the couch?
Well, on a return visit, the psychiatrist asked him how he was feeling, and he answered, “Fine, feel my nose.”

Did I tell you about the Chinese fellow with a Jewish name?

This fellow walking along China town, saw a sign that read, “Chinese laundry” and underneath was
written, “Herman Shapiro, Proprietor.”
So, the man entered the establishment and said to the Chinese fellow behind the counter, “Are you the proprietor?”
The fellow answered yes.
“And, then you are Herman Shapiro?”
When the Chinese man nodded his assent, the visitor asked, “How did you get a name like that?”
“Well, when I entered the immigaration center, the man ahead of me told the agent that his name was Herman Shapiro.
Then when I stepped up, I told him my name, “Sam Ting.”

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