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January 2019

A good Blonde Joke

DISCLAIMER: We know blondes are smart too, but we’ll pretend otherwise just for this joke!
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” Convention.
The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?”
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “Eighteen!”
Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
The leader says, “Well, since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”
So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?”
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh – everyone is disheartened – the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance — What is 2 plus 2?”
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”
Throughout the stadium, pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream… “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

Going to College

One young man was explaining to an older man at the general store.
“I’m enrolling in college, ” said the young man.
“NYU?” asked the older man.
“And, why not me?” responded the lad.

The hunting trip

Four men get together for a hunting trip, and once their camp was set up, one was chosen to be the cook for the group.
There was one proviso, though: The first one to complain about the food would become the next cook.
Everything went well for the first two days, but one evening one of the men yelled out, “This dinner tastes like mud.”
Then concerned he would have to be the next cook, he yelled, “But Good, but good!!.”

Dog Romance

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.”
“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle, “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”

She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said: “How well can you do?”
“Ummm…I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever.
“My, my,” said the Poodle, “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.”
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?”
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone, cheese mine.”

My son, the doctor

Joseph P. Abernathy. a wealthy man, had to undergo heart surgery. The operation was scheduled with his son, Dr. David Abernathy, the heart surgeon.
Before being wheeled into the surgical room, Mr. Abernathy asked the nurse if he could talk to his son before going into surgery.
It was arranged, and, Mr. Abernathy said to his son, “David, I want you to do your best on this operation, but if, perchance I don’t survive the operation, I want you to know that I’ve arranged to have your mother move in with you and your family.”

Psycho, the Rapist

I saw a czrtoon that showed a sign painter printing on the door window of an office.
He had just finished writing, “Psycho The Rapist on 3 lines on the window, when the owner of the office
yelled at him, “It’s all one word.”

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