Browse Month

February 2019

The man Wants a divorce

A guy wants a divorce. He tells the judge, “I just can’t take it anymore. Every night she’s out until way after midnight, just going from bar-to-bar.”

The judge asks, “What’s she doing?”

The guy answers, “Looking for me.”

Young people can be helpful

An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in, to a beautiful, leggy blond.
“I thought you said you would hold that car ’til we raised the $75,000 asking price,” said the elderly man. “yet I just heard you close the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discounts on this model.”

“Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her…how could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman.

Just then, the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys. “There you go.” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop the price. See you later , grandpa.”
Moral of the story: Don’t give up on young people.

Burma Shave signs by the side of the road

I may have mentioned these earlier with a few examples, but here are more of them. Do you remember seeing these? I don’t think they’re still around. These are from the book,”The Verse by the side of the road,” by Frank Rowesome, Jr. which had 600 of these rhymes in it. The last sign always read “Burma Shave.” Here a a few of the best.

HARDLY A DRIVER
IS STILL ALIVE
WHO PASSED ON HILLS
AT 75

AT CROSSROADS
DON’T JUST
TRUST TO LUCK
THE OTHER CAR
MAY BE A TRUCK

BIG MISTAKE
MANY MAKE
RELY ON HORN
INSTEAD OF BRAKE.

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING

An Irish father introducing his son to his favorite brews

I took me son out for his first pint.
Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.
I got him a Guinness He didn’t like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny, he didn’t like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager?
He didn’t. I drank it.
I thought maybe he’d like whisky better than beer so we tried a
Jameson’s; nope! In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast ,
Ireland ‘s finest whisky.
He wouldn’t even smell it.
What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized he just didn’t like to drink, I was so
drunk I could hardly push his stroller back home!!!

Nuclear Power Plants

“There are advantages to fishing near a nuclear plant. If your flashlight dies, you can use the fish to help you find your way home.”

—Lori Weiss, Environmental humorist

SONG OF SONS AND DAUGHTERS

The parents of daughters will rarely be lonely.
Their lives are a circus, because they’ve not only
Their girls in the house, but, kind heaven defend them,
They have all the love-smitten lads who attend them.

This isn’t the lot of the parents of sons,
They sit by their hearth as the long evening runs,
Bereft of their boys, who’ll brave fires and waters
To be at the homes of the parents of daughters.

—-Georgie Starbuck Galbraith

The gravestone inscription

The original inscription on a North Caroline gravestone read:

“As I am now, so must you be.
Prepare for death and follow me.”

To which someone added:

“To follow you I’m not content.
How do I know which way you went?”

Ancestors

At a casual group meeting, one lady announced that her family tree goes back to the early Kings of Europe,
Turning to another lady near by, she asked, “And how far back can you trace your ancestors, my dear?”
“I really don’t know,” she answered with a sweet smile. “Allour family records were lost in the great flood.”