Browse Month

November 2019

The new grocery clerk

A new grocery clerk in a small store was being indoctrinated, and was told, “Now if someone wants a particular item that we’re out of, suggest an alternative item.”
Later that day a man approached the new clerk and asked, “Do you carry toilet paper?”
“No,” answered the clerk, “but we carry sand paper.”

In Spanish the letter J is pronounced like a Y.

In San Diego, CA, if you learn the names of the streets, you’ll learn Spanish.
A visitor to San Diego has a terrible time at first, until he or she learns the pronunciations.
One day, for example, a visitor from New York was asked by a San Diegan, “What have you seen so far as you tour San Diego?”
Pronouncing the J’s as we do in English, he said, “I’ve been to La Jolla, El Cajon, and drove to Jamacha.”
“The San Diegan said, “Here in San Diego we pronounce the J’s like a Y. It’s La Hoya, El Cahone, and Hamashaw.”
“Oh, I see,” said the Easterner, “thanks for telling me.”
“That’s ok, I made the same mistake when I first moved here. By the way, how long will you be staying here?”
He answered, “Oh, until Hune or Huly.”

How to pronounce Hawaii

A fellow got off the plane in Honolulu, and in the terminal saw a man who looked like he lived there.
He went up to him and asked, “Pardon me, sir, but could you tell me how to pronounce Hawaii? Is it Hawaii, or Havaii?” The man answered, “Havaii.”
“Thank you very much,” said the visitor.
Answered the other, “You’re Velcome.”

The new hearing aids

An older gent finally agreed to be fitted with hearing aids.
Several days later he met a friend on the street, and told him, “I got new hearing aids.”
“Really,” said his acquaintance, What kind is it?”
“The old chap looked at his watch and said, “2:15,”

A Jewish temple in Japan

A Jewish GI stationed in Japan, spent months searching to find out if there was a Synagogue in Japan. After this intensive search, he finally located one, and attended Friday night services as soon as he could.
After the service, the GI approached the Rabbi and said, “I really enjoyed your service, Rabbi. I’ll try to make your Friday night services as often as I can.”
The Rabbi looked at him quizzically and asked, “Are you Jewish?”
“Of course, I am,” answered the GI.
“That’s funny,” said the Rabbi, “You don’t look Jewish.”

Giving up Smoking

A group sitting at a bar were discussing how they gave up smoking.
After some discussion, one fellow said, “I gave up smoking Wild Turkey.”
The others turned to him and siad, “Don’t you mean Cold Turkey?”
“Look,” he said, “You do it your way, I’ll do it my way.”

A blonde attends the ballet

After attending a ballet for the first time, a blonde turned to her date and said, “I don’t understand the ballet.”
“What don’t you understand about it?”
“Well, all the ladies were dancing on their toes. Why don’t they just get taller dancers?”