Browse Month

April 2020

Starting a discussion

A shy young man, a freshman in college, created enough courage to get a date with the love of his life.
But, he was unsure of what they would talk about on this date, as he feared he might not make a good impression without something to talk about.
So, he consulted with a neighbor, an elderly fellow who had good sense and was friendly with the lad.
After explaining that it was his first date, and one with a really nice girl, and that he didn’t want there to be any embarrassing lulls, he asked, “If we don’t just talk without a problem, and there’s an uncomfortable silence, I need some suggestions on what to bring up to talk about.”
“Well,” said the old gent, “You could talk about relatives. And if that doesn’t work, you could bring up the subject of love,and if you don’t have success with that, you could bring up a philosophical question to discuss.”
So,at the appointed time, he picked up his date, and they walked to a nearby park to stroll for awhile, and when they sat down at a bench, they were both silent.
Thinking of the advice from his neighbor, he turned to the young lady and asked, “Do you have an uncle? She told him no. So, he figured, that takes care of the relative discussion, and he turned
to her again and asked, “Do you love pickles?” Again she answered no, and he figured that the discussion about love had now come to an end.
The last suggested topic was a philosophical discussion, so he turned to her again and said, “If you had an uncle, would he love pickles?”

Little Boy story

A Small boy of short stature and probably older than he looked, was trying to reach the doorbell
of a house, but even on tiptoes he couldn’t reach it. It was probably set higher than most.
A police officer was nearby, and saw the boy’s struggle to reach that bell button.
So, being of general good nature and realizing his predicament, strolled over to help the young man.

“Here, let me help you,” the officer said as he walked up the porch, and lifted the kid so he could reach the bell better. The kid pushed it.
“So,” said the officer, “what do we do now?”
“Run as fast as we can,” he said.

An Easter Story

A man is driving along a
highway and sees a rabbit
jump out across the middle
of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately, the rabbit
jumps right in front of the car.

The driver,
a sensitive man as well
as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is
the Easter Bunny , and he is DEAD.

The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.

A woman driving down the
highway sees the man crying
on the side of the road
and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and
asks the man what’s wrong.

“I feel terrible,” he explains,
“I accidentally hit the
Easter Bunny with my car

The woman says,
“Don’t worry.”

She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead
Easter Bunny, bends down,
and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away, he stops,
turns around and waves again.
He hops down the road another
ten feet, turns and waves,
hops another ten feet,
turns and waves, and repeats
this again and again
until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs
over to the woman and demands,

“What is in that can?
What did you spray on
the Easter Bunny?”

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.

It says..

(Are you ready for this?)

(Are you sure?)

(Last chance)

(Okay, here it is)

It says,

Hair Spray
Restores life to
dead hair, and adds
permanent wave.

The man who took up 4 seats at the theater.

The theater usher noticed a man who was sprawled over 4 seats.
He approached the man and told him his ticket only allowed him one seat. No answer.
He repeated his statement. Still no answer.
The usher went to his boss and advised him of the situation, so he went over to the man to explain.
At first no answer.
Then the head usher asked, “Where are you from?”
Slowly, the man sprawled over 4 seats moaned out, “From the balcony.”

The doctor’s advice

A man, who had been living the so-called “fast life” went to see his doctor.
After his physical, the doc said, “I have some advice to give you if you would wish to live a bit longer.”
“Yeah, doc, what is it?”
You’ll hAVE TO give up wine, women and song.”
The man thought a moment and then said, “Boy! Am I going to miss singing.”

An old New York poem

I don’t know why I remember this, but it’s supposedly a New York kid with the old NY accent say an observation. It went like this:

Toity poiple boids, sittin’ on a coib, choiping and boiping and eating doity oitwoims.

This old accent isn’t worth much, but it’s fading away, although there are still those who use the old dems and dose in their speech. If it totally disappears, this remembrance of the olden days in NY will be all that’s left.

The drugstore incident

A fat lady went into a drugstore and asked a bowlegged clerk where she could find the talcum powder.
He said, “Walk this way, Lady.”
She then said, “If I could walk that way, I wouldn’t need the talcum powder.”

This Isolation can make some crazy

I’ve heard some people are really going crazyfrom isolation. I’m glad I’m not one of those.
I’ve just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad.
I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.
Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant.
The sink just said everything is going down the drain.
In the end, the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine. The situation isn’t that pressing.
The vacuum was very unsympathetic. Told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and felt it would all soon blow over.
The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything, but the doorknob told me to “get a grip.”
The froont door said I was unhinged, and then
the curtains told me to pull myself together.