A man returned home in the East many years ago., reporting on his experience in the Wild, Wild West.
Telling of his dire experience, he said, “Suddenly, there were Indians on the Right of me, and on the Left of me, and I found myself surrounded by Indians.”
“So, what did you do?” said one of the listeners.
“What could I do?” said the traveler, “I bought a rug.”

You can tell you’re getting old when a friend calls you on the phone at 8:30 pm
and asks, “Sorry to call so late. Did I wake you?”

Maria Theresa went to visit the priest, telling him that she didn’t know what to do since she suspected her daughter’s husband,Jose, was
cheating on her.
“Well,” said the priest, “since you only suspect him for cheating, what evidence do you have?”
“All you have to do is to take one look at my daughter’s new baby. That baby does not look anything like her husband in any way.

It’s the same thing you had for breakfast that caused our loss.
It was the turnovers.

Pipe dreams: What plumbers have at night.

This is my stepladder.
I never knew my real ladder.