surgeon, an enginer and a politician were arguing over whose profession was the first one to be established.
“Mine was,” said the surgeon. The Bible says that Eve was created by excising a rib from Adam.”
“But, before that.” said the engineer, “a six day engineering job created the earth out of utter chaos.””Aha,” said the politician. “And, who do you think created the Chaos?”

A man asked the clerk in a department store if she had a good recommendation for a man’s cologne.
The clerk reached on a shelf, took a bottle down, and handed it to the man.
She said, “This stuff drives girls crazy. It smells like a new car.”

Nobody knows about your integrity, your sincerity, your talent or your good will unless you give out samples.

Some people have their backs go out more often than they do.

Some students drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.

The local minister was a man who always saw the good in everyone.
One day a parishioner said to him, “Reverend, you always see the good in people. I’ll bet you could even say something good about the devil.”
“Well,” said the minister, “You’ve got to admit he’s always on the job.”

A man had just finished a meal in an Italian restaurant. On his way ouh, he told the manager that the veal parmigiana was better than he had had on a recent trip to Italy.
“Of course,” said the manager, “over there they use domestic cheese. Here we use imported!”

It’s the people with horse sense who know when to say “Nay.”

The good thing about Kleptomania is that if you’ve got it, you can always take something for it.

A man walked up to a vending machine, piut in a coin and pressed the button labeled “Coffee, Cream, Sugar.” No cup dropped down, but the nozzles went into action, sending forth coffee, cream and sugar. After the proper amounts had gone down the drain, the machine turned itself off.
“Now that’s real automation for you” said the man. “The thing even drinks it for you.”