Browse Month

October 2020

The Irishman teaching his son

Paddy took his son with him to the pub. It was a time to start to let him try his first pint.
He started off with a fine Guiness pint, but when his son tasted it, he spit it out in disgust.
So Paddy finished the drink.
Next he thought maybe a Kilkenny might be to his liking, but he sp[t that one out, too.
So Paddy finished the drink.
Then he thought his son might enjoya Harp Lager…but, no, he didn’t like that one either.
So, Paddy finished the drink.
Then Paddy thought that maybe his taste would be more inclined for Whisky, so he ordered a Jameson’s.
No, his son didn’t like that, either.
So Paddy finished the drink.
Then he ordered Dare Redbreast, thing he might like that one. But, no, he hated it.
So Paddy finished the drink.
After that, Paddy decided it wads time to go home.
But he paused and said, “By this time I was so drunk, I could hardly push his stroller home.”

A policeman’s help

A policeman walking along his beat in a neighborhood, noticed a small boy on the porch of a house, stretching as high as he could to push the door bell button.
Strolling to the house and up the front steps, the Policeman asked, kindly, “It sure is kind of high for you, young manl. Here, let me help you.” And, he picked up the boy so he could reach the bell and push the button.
After he pushed it, the kindly cop asked, “So, what do we do now?”
The boy answered, “We run as fast as we can.”

Your Holiday Menu

Appetizers: Hearts of Love, Seasoned Greetings, Dash of Cheer

Entree: Large Cup of Joy, Generous Portions of Kindness, Casserole of Happiness

Desserts: Cherished Friendship – Assorted Delights

Beverage: Old Fashioned Merriment

BEST WISHES FOR THE HAPPIEST HOLIDAYS EVER

My Aunt thinks she’s a chicken

A man visits a psychiatrist and tells him that his aunt thinks she’s a chicken.
“How long has this been going on?” asked the Dr.
“About 3 years,” the man answered.
“Why have you waited so long?”
The man answers, “To tell you the truth, we needed the eggs.”

Sid Caesar as a CIA agent Skit

On “Your Show of Shows” years ago, Carl Reiner was interviewing Sid Caesar, who was a CIA Agent.
“So tell me,” said Carl Reiner, “What would you do if you were suddenly surrounded by the enemy?”
“I would throw my raincoat on the ground.”
Carl asks, “What good would that do?”
Answers CIA agent Caesar, “It would protect my knees while I pray.”

The superstition of a football coach

A famous football coach was once asked if he had any superstitions about Football games.
“Yes,” he answered. “Just One.”
“I believe it’s very bad luck to be behind at the end of the game.”

Talking Dog for sale, Cheap

A man walking along a neighborhood, saw a sign in front of a house that read: TAlking Dog for Sale, Cheap.
Curious, he rang the bell and asked the owner if he could see the dog.
Admitted, the gentleman asked, “Does he really talk?”
“Sure,” answered the owner. “Ask him any question.”
So, the man turned to the dog and said, “Tell me about your life.”
The dog began to answer in a deep voice.
“I was raised as a puppy to be a service dog, and because I was too active to help the blind, I was sent to the police department to help with crime. I used to sniff out drugs and attack perps who were getting away. When the military heard about my exploits, they took me on, sent me to Afghanistan to sniff out roadside bombs and help with attacks. When my time was up, I returned here to retire from my exciting life.”
“Wow,” said the man, “That’s amazing. But, why are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of those things.”

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