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January 2021

The barber’s advice

Speaking of barber shops, another man was getting his hair cut as they were having a conversation
“Are you planning any trips?” asked the barber.
“Yes,” the client answered, “As a matter pf fact. I’m leaving for Italy tomorrow.”

“What airline will you be using?” “I’m flying on Air italia,” he answered.
“That’s terrible,” said the barber, “They are awful. They are always late, fly erratically, and the food is inedible. Not only that the stewardesses are ugly.” Then he asked, “What will you be planning on doing while there?”
“Well,” answered the man, “I’m going to the Vatican to visit the Pope.”
The barber snorted, “You’ll have little chance to see the Pope, ’cause he’ll probably be at his summer quarters, and if by chance he is at the Vatican, there will be huge crowds all trying to see him.”
The client then paid the barber and left.
A month later he returned to the barber shop for another haircut.
“So,” said the barber.”How was your trip?”
“It was great. The flight on Air Italia was on time, the food was delicious and served by gorgeous stewardesses, and the plane even landed early. When I went to the Vatican, there were no crowds, I went in to see the Pope in a few minutes, and had the opportunity to kiss his ring.”
“Did the Pope say anything to you?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, as I bent down to kiss his ring he asked me, ‘Where did you get that lousy haircut?'”

In the Barbershop

A man was called by the barber, “It’s your turn.” So getting comfortable on the chair, and as the barber draped him with a cover, The man gave instructions about his haircut. “I want a Gary Cooper haircut.”
The barber replied, “Yes sir, I’m familiar with that,” and proceeded with the haircut as his client dozed off and slept during the entire procedure.
When the barber was done, he woke the man up and handed him a mirror. The client was aghast, as he saw he was completely bald, and screamed at the barber. “You idiot,” he yelled, “don’t you know who Gary Cooper is?”
“Of course I know who Gary Cooper is,” shouted the barber. “I saw him 3 times in ‘The King and I.”

Where are You?

A woman called her husband from her car, and said, “I think I’m lost.”
“Where are you? Check the street signs.”
“OK” she said, “I’m on the corner of Walk and Don’t walk”

I think my wife’s deaf

A man consulted a audiologist and told him that he thought his wife was deaf. “How can I prove it to her?” he asked.
Well, said the helpful hearing gentleman, “Say something to her far away, and get closer and repeat the question, and then closer, until she reponds.
So, the fellow went home, and while she was at the kitchen stove, he said, “What’s for dinner?”
No response.
So, he moved closer and asked it again, “What’s for dinner?”
Still no response.
He moved even closer and asked it again. Still no reponse.
Then, standing right next to her, he asked, “What’s for dinner?”
She turned and looked at him and said, “I’ve told you 4 times already, we’re having pot roast and potatoes.”

The unlucky brother

Two brothers were avid fishermen. One was unlucky, he hardly ever caught a fish. The other brother was pulling them in one after another.
One day the unlucky brother went fishing alone, and tested an area filled with fish.
He fished all day and caught nothing.
Later in the day a fish jumped out of the water and said, “Where’s your brother?”