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Byron Newman

Where did our parents get entertainment?

Tom and Elizabeth, siblings of the McCarthy family in Ireland, were discussing the entertainment value of modern techology.
Tom said, “The computer, our cell phones and color television have provided us moderns with great entertainment. I often
wondered where our parents got their entertainment before these items were invented.”
“You’re right,” said Elizabeth, “We should look into this curious thing.”
“Well,” said Tom, “I already discussed this with most of our other 18 brothers and sisters, and they had no idea where
our parents got their entertainment during the years before technology.”

Another Indian Story

A young Indian boy asked his father, “Tell me, Father, why do we have such unusual names?”
“Well,” said the father, “We name our offspring after things in nature that we see when a child is born.
For example, when your sister was born I looked out and saw a silver cloud in the sky. That’s why your
sister is called Silver Cloud. And when your brother was born I looked out and saw a black mountain. That’s
why your brother’s name is Black Mountain.
Do you follow what I’m saying Two Dogs Fighting?”

When Kennedy became president

When John Kennedy became president, he was young and a Catholic, so the jokes abounded.
1. Did you hear Kennedy has banned bowling in America? Well, he did. He’s going to confiscate all bowling balls and make
a giant Rosary for the Statue of Liberty.
2. Did you hear that Kennedy is putting all new Urinals in the White House? “I don’t know what that is, I’m not Catholic.”
3. You know that Kennedy is so young that when he wants to go to a cabinet meeting he has to get a note from his mother.
There were many others, but I thought you’d enjoy these until I remember more of them.

An Indian Story heard around the campfire

Once there was a powerful Indian Chief named Chief Grizzly Bear. He had two sons, Babbling Brook and Falling Rock, who grew to tall
powerfully built Braves. When Chief Grizzly Bear decided decided it was time to choose which one of the two sons would be the next chief,
he sent the two of them out on a mission.
Chief Grizzly Bear told them, “Armed with only a knife, the first one of you who returns with the skin of a grizzly bear that you killed
and skinned yourself will be the next chief.
Many moons went by, when finally Babbling Brook returned with the skin of a grizzly bear and was declared the new chief.
But, chief Babbling Brook was concerned about his brother, and put out the word throughout the territory to try to find Falling Rock.
He was never found. But, they’re still looking for him.
That’s why, even to this day, you’ll see signs on mountain roads that say, “Watch for Falling Rock.”

The Indian with a great memory

An old Indian in the West some years back was acknowledged as the man with the greatest memory.
So this gent went up to him and asked him, “Do you like eggs.” The Indian answered, “Yes.”
Then, 10 years later the gent returned to the place, saw the Indian again, and asked, “How?”
The Indian answered, “Scrambled.”

I’m so Old I can remember…..

There are a bunch of “I’m So Old I can Remember…..” and I’ll tell a few here, if I can remember them.
Such as: I’m so old, I can remember when the Dead Sea was just sick.”
Or: “I’m so old, I can remember when the wonder drug of the day was Mercurochrome.”
“I’m older than dirt.”
or, “I’m so old I remember when there was a Preparation G.”
I once got a birthday card that said, “I love talking to old people to find out about the past. For example, how did you
feel when all those dinosaurs died?”
A newer bunch of these include, “I can remember when I went a whole day without taking a photo,” or I can remember when we used
carbon paper,” or I can remember dialing a phone number.” In fact, I do remember when we didn’t have phone dials, and when you
picked up the phone the operator would say, “Number, Please,” and we’d give a 4 digit number for local calls. Everything else
was long distance. and you had to ask for the Long Distance operator. In fact, my home number at the time was 2691 in Ohio.

The old group of “Shut Up” stories

We used to have shut up stories, like this one:
Boy saying to his mother, “Mom, I don’t want to go to Europe this summer.” Mom: “Shut up and keep swimming.”

or. 8 year boy says to his father: “Daddy, Can I have a glass of milk?” Father: “Shut up and drink your beer.”

How about this one? “What’s a vampire?” asks a boy to his mother. “Shut up and drink your soup before it clots.”

There were many more of these….groaners, I guess. But it was many years ago, and it’s better that I’ve forgotten them.

These are jokes you can use.

This wonderful collection of jokes and quips are free for you to use in speeches, conversations, and in essays, if you wish.
I put them out hee for your entertainment as well as a resource of good, clean humor.

The Geography lesson

A school boy was late coming home, and his father asked him why he was so late.
“I had to stay after school because I couldn’t find the Azores,” said the kid.
“Well,” said his father, “After this remember where you put things.”