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I’m Lost!

A woman, called up her husband on her cell phone, and said, “Help, I’m lost. I don’t recognize any of the stores around here and I don’t know how to get home.”
Her husband asked, “Well, what street are on on?”
She looked out from her car and said, “I’m on the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk.”

Where shall we have lunch?

A group of 40 year old buddies discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the waitresses there were very cute and were very young.
Ten years later, when they were 50 years old, the group again discussed where they should meet for lunch. It was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the food and wine selection was very good.
Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet. and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
Ten years later, now 70 years of age, the group discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally, it was decided to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible, and it even had an elevator.
Ten years later at the age of 80, they discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they had never eaten there before.

The avid Golfer got married

An avid golfer was at the wedding in a large church. His bride noticed that his golf clubs were in the corner of the altar.
So, naturally she asked, “Why did you bring your golf clubs with you to our wedding?”
The golfer answered, “Well, this isn’t going to last all day, is it?”

The Psychotherapists

Two psychotherapists got on an elevator every morning at the same time. They looked refreshed after a good night’s sleep.
And, at the end of the day, the both got on the elevator at the same time going down.
One looked beat after a day of listening to patient’s problems, but the other looked as fresh as when he went up the elevator in the morning.
The beat doctor said to the other, “How could you look so fresh after a day of listening to personal problems?”
The other answered, “Who Listens?”

The man Wants a divorce

A guy wants a divorce. He tells the judge, “I just can’t take it anymore. Every night she’s out until way after midnight, just going from bar-to-bar.”

The judge asks, “What’s she doing?”

The guy answers, “Looking for me.”

Young people can be helpful

An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in, to a beautiful, leggy blond.
“I thought you said you would hold that car ’til we raised the $75,000 asking price,” said the elderly man. “yet I just heard you close the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discounts on this model.”

“Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her…how could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman.

Just then, the young woman approached the old folks and handed them the keys. “There you go.” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop the price. See you later , grandpa.”
Moral of the story: Don’t give up on young people.

Burma Shave signs by the side of the road

I may have mentioned these earlier with a few examples, but here are more of them. Do you remember seeing these? I don’t think they’re still around. These are from the book,”The Verse by the side of the road,” by Frank Rowesome, Jr. which had 600 of these rhymes in it. The last sign always read “Burma Shave.” Here a a few of the best.

HARDLY A DRIVER
IS STILL ALIVE
WHO PASSED ON HILLS
AT 75

AT CROSSROADS
DON’T JUST
TRUST TO LUCK
THE OTHER CAR
MAY BE A TRUCK

BIG MISTAKE
MANY MAKE
RELY ON HORN
INSTEAD OF BRAKE.

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING