The Devil

The lesson in Sunday School was all about the devil.
Two of the students from the class were talking about it on the way home.
One said, “Do you really believe all that stuff they told us about the devil?”
“Nah,” answered the other. “It’s probably like Santa Claus, it’s your father.”

We don’t sell to blondes

A blonde goes into an appliance store and looks around for awhile. Finally she calls a clerk over and points to an appliance and says, “I want to buy that TV.”
He says to her, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.”
So she goes home, dyes her hair black, and returns the next day to the same store.
Calling the clerk over, she says, “I want to buy that TV.”
He says again, “I;’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.”
She replies, “Why do you think I’m a blonde?”
“Because that’s a microwave oven.”

God is watching

Scene: A catholic school lunchroom:
The Children were all lined up to pick up their lunch. The first tray on the counter were piled with apples. There was a sign on it: Please take only one. God is watching.
Moving along further near the end of the table was a tray with a large pile of cookies.
One child said to another, “We can take as many cookies as we want. God is busy watching the apples.”

My Father at different ages

4 years old – My daddy can do anything.
5 years old – My daddy knows a whole lot.
10 years old – In the olden days when my dad grew up, things were sure different.
12 years old – Oh well, not really. My father doesn’t know anything about that. He’s too old to remember his childhood.
14 years old – Don’t pay any attention to my father. He is so old fashioned!
21 years old – Him? My dad is hopelessly out of date.
25 years old – Dad knows a little bit about it, but then he should because he’s been around so long.
30 years old – Maybe we should ask dad what he thinks. After all, he’s had a lot of experience.
35 years old – I’m not doing a single thing until I talk to dad.
40 years old – I wonder how dad would have handled it. He was so wise and had a world of experience.
50 years old – I’d give anything if dad were here now so I could talk this over with him. Too bad I didn’t appreciate how smart he was. I could have learned a lot from him.

Who was earliest?

surgeon, an enginer and a politician were arguing over whose profession was the first one to be established.
“Mine was,” said the surgeon. The Bible says that Eve was created by excising a rib from Adam.”
“But, before that.” said the engineer, “a six day engineering job created the earth out of utter chaos.””Aha,” said the politician. “And, who do you think created the Chaos?”

A good cologne

A man asked the clerk in a department store if she had a good recommendation for a man’s cologne.
The clerk reached on a shelf, took a bottle down, and handed it to the man.
She said, “This stuff drives girls crazy. It smells like a new car.”

Say something good about the devil.

The local minister was a man who always saw the good in everyone.
One day a parishioner said to him, “Reverend, you always see the good in people. I’ll bet you could even say something good about the devil.”
“Well,” said the minister, “You’ve got to admit he’s always on the job.”