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December 2020

Gambling Money

On a Las Vegas Street, a fellow approached a well dressed man and asked, “Could you please help me with a few dollars so I could get a good meal?”
The gentleman put his hand in his pocket, but then stopped and said, “How do I know you won’t spend it on gambling?”
The beggar said, “Oh, Gambling money I’ve got, I just need money for food.”

The Blonde bragging at a bar

The bar was crowded, and a blonde stood up and said, “I know the capital of every state in the Union.”
One fellow spoke up and said, “What’s the Capital of Wisconsin?”
The blonde anssered, “That’s easy: W.

Adam had a question

Adam had an audience with God, and had a question.
He asked, “How come Eve is so pretty and can sing so beautifully, and loves taking care of the house and the kids?”
God answered, “Well, Adam, I wanted to be sure you’d like her.”
“I see,” said Adam. I suppose that’s why she makes some great meals for me and smiles a lot.”
“Exactly,” answered God.
“Well then,” responded Adam, “How come you made her so stupid?”
God answered, “I wanted to be sure she’d like you!”

Two men and their dreams

Two fellows who shared an apartment, were having breakfast, when one said, “I dreampt last night that I went to Disneyland and had a lot of fun.”
The second fellow said, “As soon as I fell asleep, I dreampt that there was a knock at my door. When I answered it, there were two beautiful girls who suggested we had a party. So, I invited them in and we had some great food, music and dancing and really had a great time.”
The first fellow said, “Why didn’t you have me join in?”
The second guy said, “I would have, but you were at Disneyland.”

The Devil

The lesson in Sunday School was all about the devil.
Two of the students from the class were talking about it on the way home.
One said, “Do you really believe all that stuff they told us about the devil?”
“Nah,” answered the other. “It’s probably like Santa Claus, it’s your father.”

We don’t sell to blondes

A blonde goes into an appliance store and looks around for awhile. Finally she calls a clerk over and points to an appliance and says, “I want to buy that TV.”
He says to her, “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.”
So she goes home, dyes her hair black, and returns the next day to the same store.
Calling the clerk over, she says, “I want to buy that TV.”
He says again, “I;’m sorry, but we don’t sell to blondes.”
She replies, “Why do you think I’m a blonde?”
“Because that’s a microwave oven.”

God is watching

Scene: A catholic school lunchroom:
The Children were all lined up to pick up their lunch. The first tray on the counter were piled with apples. There was a sign on it: Please take only one. God is watching.
Moving along further near the end of the table was a tray with a large pile of cookies.
One child said to another, “We can take as many cookies as we want. God is busy watching the apples.”