A woman and her teenager son were having a large disagreement. The son got mad, and said, “Why did you have me, anyway?”

The mother answered, “Well, I didn’t know it was going to be You!”

Sam was brought before the Judge for killing a bald eagle.
The Judge frowned at him and said, “Now Sam, you know it is against the law to kill any animal on the endangered species list.
“Yes, your honor,” answered Sam, “But I had extenuating circumstances.”
“And, just what were those extenuating circumstances?” asked the judge.
“Well your honor, I hadn’t eaten in 3 days when I saw that eagle sitting on a branch of a tree. I had one arrow left in my quiver, and I couldn’t miss if I wanted to stay alive. So, I took careful aim and luckily hit my mark. It turns out that that eagle saved my life.”
“Well,” said the judge. “I can understand now why you had to do it. Therefore, I find you not guilty and relieved of all charges.
”
After he stamped all the papers and signed the release, the judge turned to Sam and asked, “Tell me, What did the Eagle taste like?”
“You know,” answered Sam, “It tasted a lot like the Spotted Owl.”

Little Susie cam home from School, and her mother asked, “What did you learn in school today, Susie”
The 3rd grader answered, “We learned to make babies.”
Her mother thought, “Oh my, what are they teaching in the schools now, for God’s sake?”
Composing herself, her mother said, “OK, Susie, tell me, how do you make babies?”
“That’s easy,” said Susie, “You change the Y to i and add es.”