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The Seeing Eye Dogs

Three friends are walking their dogs, when they pass a small cafe. One man says, “Say, how about we go in the cafe for a cup of coffee?”
Fred answers, “They don’t allow dogs in there.”
“Well,” says Jack, “Let’s tell them that they’re seeing eye dogs.’
“OK,” says Bill, “I’m game.”
So Fred goes in first. The man at the door says, “Sorry, no dogs allowed.”
“But,” says Fred, “This is a seeing eye dog.” So the man lets him in.
Then Bill goes in with his dog and again the guy at the door says that dogs are not allowed in.
So, Bill explains that it’s a seeing eye dog, and is admitted.
Then Jack enters, and once again he is stopped about not allowing dogs.
Wanting to join his friends, Jack says, “This is a seeing eye dog.”
The guard says, “A Chihuahua is a seeing eye dog? I’ve never heard of it.”
Jack replies, “ That’s what they gave me?

The Crystal Cathedral

Back when the Crystal Cathedral was in full swing in it’s Orange County, CA location, tours of the facility could be easily arranged.
One such tour started on the beautifully manicured grounds of the famous church. It was a fairly mixed crowd of shildren and adults.
The Guide pointed out all the special sites in the garden area, with names of people who had made contributions to help build the special site. After a few more special sites were viewed, they came
upon a display decorated with American Flags and lots of names.
A boy asked the guide, “Are these the people who donated for this monument?”
The guide answered, “No, this list is the names of the people from our congregation who died in the Service.”
The boy then asked, “Was that the 9 O’clock service or the 11 O’clock service?”

The Hearing problem

A minister who felt he had healing powers, advised his congregation that at the conclusion of the service that morning, those who had issues in their lives to discuss with him and seek help would be dealt with. When the service ended, he requested that those who sought help could line up along the center row of the church. A few people got into the line.
The first one in line was a 19 year old, who was called forward.
The minister asked, “How can I help you?”
“I’m concerned about my hearing,” said the teenager.
The minister placed his hands on the lad’s head and said a prayer. Then he put his hands over his ears, and said some more prayers.
After awhile, he stopped and said, “How’s your hearing now?”
The lad answered, “I don’t know, it’s not until next Wednesday.

The dumb blonde and the Pizza

I know not all blondes are dumb, but this one dumb blonde went into a restaurant and ordered an individual sized pizza with all kinds of good stuff on it.
The waiter then asked, “Would you like it cut into 4 slices or 8 slices?”
The blonde thought a moment and then said, ‘You better cut it into 4 slices. I don’t think I could eat 8 slices.”


Since my wife and I got our waterbed we’ve been drifting apart.

My wife is so neat, if I get up in the middle of the night, when I get back the bed is made.

I know a couple who got a divorce because they were incompatible. He didn’t have enough income, and she wasn’t very pattable.

My first wife was a religious cook. Everything she made was either a burnt offering or a sacrifice.

I know a couple who got a divorce over religious differences. He thought he was God, and she didn’t.

Nowadays the definition of a mixed marriage is one betweeen a smoker and a non-smoker.

How to improve your golf game

Three golfers were about to enter at the first tee, when another fellow came running up, asking if he might join them and make it a foursome.
The 3 starters agreed and they played 18 holes.
The late joiner was amazed at how great the original 3 played, and asked how they learned to play so well, having almost professional numbers, while the late comer played like a duffer.
“Well,” said one of the players. We’re very religious (could be any religion, but in this case, Catholic.)
“We go to church every Sunday, teach Sunday School, read the bible, go to confession, and volunteer for many things, and have found that this gives us the power to play golf well.”
“So, if I converted, could I play well like you do?”
“Certainly,” answered one of them.
So, they parted, and the new golfer did everything he was told to do, joining a church and attending services, and reading the bible, etc. But, after a few weeks, it didn’t help his golf game. Even after a few months. After another golf game, he questioned the 3 top players, saying that nothing he did seemed to improve his game.
“What church did you join?” he was asked.
“St. Mary’s.”
“Well, no wonder. That one’s for tennis.”

Is Your Hobby Helping Or Hindering Your Family Life

Ask a room full of people what hobby they have and you will get as many answers as there are people. Others will confess that they don’t have a hobby. They probably do; but just don’t label it as such. By definition, a hobby is an activity or interest pursued outside one’s regular occupation and engaged in primarily for pleasure.Whether stamp collecting, chat rooms, trains, soft ball, scrap booking, golf, reading, painting, tap dancing, yard work, crafts, auto mechanics, music, hunting down garage sales, sewing, fishing, cooking, boating, furniture refinishing, javelin tossing or a plethora of other activities or interests the key element is balance. You must find balance between your family life and your extracurricular activities.

Too much of a good thing turns bad. Everyone should have an outlet and a special interest that they enjoy doing for themselves. Self indulgence, to a point, is quite healthy. Escaping from day to day grinds to take some time to devote to your special hobby or concentration is therapeutic. You’ve all heard, “if Mamma ain’t happy, no one’s happy.” It doesn’t matter if your role is father, mother, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, son, daughter, brother or sister, if you’re just going to work or school and have no real outside activities, you’re probably not always the most friendly person to be around.