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Funny Jokes

What did you learn in school today?

Little Susie cam home from School, and her mother asked, “What did you learn in school today, Susie”
The 3rd grader answered, “We learned to make babies.”
Her mother thought, “Oh my, what are they teaching in the schools now, for God’s sake?”
Composing herself, her mother said, “OK, Susie, tell me, how do you make babies?”
“That’s easy,” said Susie, “You change the Y to i and add es.”

How to become a great golfer


Three men were approaching the first tee, when another man came running over and asked if he could join them. The 3 agreed,

and they played all 18 holes. The newcomer had a poor score, but the three original players each had scores that were of professional quality.

Sitting at the coffee house after the game the newcomer asked how they had played so well.

‘”Well,” said one of them, “we are all religious Jews. We attend all services, belong to B’nai B’rith, teach Sunday School, do our daily rituals, and are active in the temple. Therefore, God has bestowed our talent for golf to where we have become excellent players.”

The newcomer asked, “If I converted to Judaism and did all those things you do, do you think I could become an excellent player like you three?”

“Of course,” was the answer.So, he joined a temple, converted and began to do all the things a religious Jewish person would do.

The 4 men continued to meet and monitor his progress.

After several months, they noticed no improvement in his game, and even the new convert began to complain about the lackof progress. “I don’t understand it,” he said. I do everything as you told me, and yet there is no improvement in my game.”

“Well,” said one of the others, “Which temple do you belong to?”

“Temple Beth Shalom,” he answered.

“That’s the problem,” answered one of them. “That one’s for Tennis.”


Calories are tiny creatures that llive in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

The Robbery at McDonald’s

A robber goes up to the cashier and says, “Give me all the money in the cash drawer.”
The well trained cashier says, “Do you want fries with that?”

I got a part in a play

A teenager comes home from school and announces to his mother, “I got a part in a play.”
“How nice,” said the mother, “What part did you get?”
“I play the husband,” says the lad.
“Well, that’s ok this time,” answers the mother, “but next time I hope you get a speaking part.”


A Husband and wife couple are having a quiet dinner at home.
In the middle of everything, the husbands says, “You know, I don’t like your brother.”
The wife answers, “Well then, “Just eat the noodles.”


Note: Some people think riddles are jokes. They may be funny, but then they’re funny riddles.
How about this one:
What is red, yellow,yellow, green, blue, black, orange brown, purple and gray?

: Answer: elephant holding a box of crayons.

Use the word Fascinate in a sentence

The teacher asked the children to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly raised her hand and said, My family went to visit my grandfather’s farm, and we saw all the sheep he had. It was fascinating.”

No Molly, That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate.

Caroline raised her hand and said, “My family went to New York City and I was fascinated.”

That was good, too, but I wanted you to use the work “fascinate.”

Johnny raised his hand next and said, “My Aunt Bessie has a sweater with ten buttons on it, but she has gotten so heavy she can only fasten eight.”

The Question

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: “Daddy, what is sex?” The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the ‘birds and the bees’. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
“Why did you ask this question?” Her father asked her:
The little girl replied, “Well mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”